For Reals 29 February 2008

Imagine my joy when a dear boy I know called late last night with a report. He’s been pining away for the “woman of his dreams” for years; lately he’d become bedraggled & beaten down by her suddenly-single status. Over analyzing his smooth moves, he was making himself sick in the process.

Sensing it might help, I sent him the Crumbs piece I penned & several coming clean tips from the true-feelings trade. I told him how I’d recently taken a similar bull by the horns myself & have never been better. Since hitting send, I’ve been struck with this overwhelming “Why didn’t I just say that in the first place?” free-at-last feeling. The peace I know now comes not from the reader’s response but from telling my own truth. Any outcome, while intriguing to ponder perhaps, has little, if anything, to do with it.

The lightness in G’s voice spoke volumes as he told me his tale. While his “it” girl might not return the feelings he expressed so openly to her, he said his heart had stopped racing for the first time in weeks. He was ready to lie down & cry. We agreed the grieving would not be easy but that the raw relief was a gift in itself. & one he’d given his heart simply by being so brave.

So, whatever happens in my own life, I know this: I’m on the right Pixie path.

Love on, G, & keep keeping it real.

“Honesty is hardly ever heard. And mostly what I need from you.” – Billy Joel

Sexual (and Spiritual) Healing 27 February 2008

I was feeling poorly last night after an incredibly invasive (although routine-to-me-now) test left my insides in a less than perky Pixie place. Seeking solace, I plopped into bed upon hitting the Heights with beautiful Pie Annie music strumming me off to sleep. Or so I thought. It turns out, Pixiepa’s prayers, (see comment from previous post), not mine, were answered. The meditative moments that ensued were filled with good stuff shooting out from my still small voice about what to do, what to say, my place in the planetary scheme and answers to some of my most age-old questions. I guess I had to be there, distraction-free, to hear it.

One hit I got told me to speak freely from the place where the spiritual meets the sexual. My all-time fave topics rolled into one. What could be better than that? I’ve always believed the two were not mutually exclusive and my recent explorations only reassured me I was right. Then, this morning, upon opening my purse on the platform, I found this flyer:

Seems Paul, my Unity of New York minister, and I, are literally on the same page. I hope you find it as freeing as I did!

Understanding Strong 26 February 2008

While it seems many, including me, get caught up in manifesting the material & sharing the secret of scoring stuff, it’s not the answer at all. Today I am grateful for hearing what I needed most, and knowing now, more than ever, to look within:

“Happy are those who find wisdom,

and those who get understanding,

for her income is better than silver,

and her revenue better than gold.

She is more precious than jewels,

and nothing you desire can compare with her.

Long life is in her right hand;

in her left hand are riches and honor.

Her ways are ways of pleasantness,

and all her paths are peace.

She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;

those who hold her fast are called happy…

And whatever else you get, get insight.”

Proverbs 3:13-18, 4:7

(That’s right, Pixiepa, she’s quoting the Bible. Did you ever think you’d see the day?)

Here’s to working our way to wise & knowing the flow will grow!

The Best Birthday Ever 25 February 2008

Thanks to all those who sent me love, luggage, well wishes, flowers, new numbers, heart-shaped rocks, poetry picks, egreets & more on this my 37th birthday. Sitting in the sun, I’m singing a new song inspired by the incomparable Rosena Hill’s sweet Sunday serenade. I’ll let Luther take it from the top:

I don’t know about you but I’m ready to rock the big dreams, baby! & looks like I’ve got all the energy I need:

Living Aloud 23 February 2008

After reading to my writing group last week, I got the message I most needed to hear: human hearts yearn for more than just sweet sounds. This one woke us all up so have a little listen & I hope you dig it too.

farewell.mp3

Farewell

I came to break up with my doctor, two years to the day since we met. My friends got houses, married, pregnant. I got cancer. Kicking its ass took nine months from my life. And convinced me to live it. Surgeons scooped lymph nodes like seeds from under my arm, taking my cancer away. I show the doctor the swollen hand souvenir they left behind. She suggests physical therapy, says, “Sometimes these signs shake us up, remind us to keep dreams alive.” I announce I’m moving to New York, to ride passion, write real and banter with beautiful boys. To bask in bustle, soar in stale subway air and evolve ever more. To find. The life. I want. I say I’m going in May, spring forward, hope not to fall back. She hands me a new oncologist’s name. “See him in six months,” she says, “Make sure you see him in six months.” Flat fingers circle my breasts, one slightly smaller than the other now. I breathe shallow, insides screaming “no lumps, no lumps, don’t find any fucking lumps.” She doesn’t. And I get dressed, one more hurdle cleared for take-off. I hug the doctor and wonder what it’ll be like to not know her. The doctor tells me to send a post-card then heads away. I call after her. “You want me to use your real name or an alias in my book?” Dr. Ellis turns, grins again, and says, “Oh, use my real name.”

Morning Miracle 22 February 2008

Here’s what I saw on my way to work today. Is it any wonder I heart my home?

Wishing you a Friday filled with fluffy stuff too!

Viva Obama! 20 February 2008

On the heels of big wins in Wisconsin & Hawaii, check out the Amigos de Obama:

I ask you, “How can Hillary compete with that?”

Incubating the Day Away 18 February 2008

As one with incredible aspirations, I often overwhelm myself with workshops, classes, and other explorations along artistic avenues. I pause today, however, to celebrate Presidents’ Day doing a whole lotta nothing. Or at least that’s what it’ll look like on the outside.

Thanks, DailyOm, for today’s timely reminder to us all:

February 18, 2008
Mysterious Beginnings
The Necessity Of Winter

As any gardener knows, the bulbs that contain the beautiful flowers of spring and summer—daffodils, irises, tulips, gladiolas—cannot bloom until they have endured a period of cold. Held in the dark earth during the frigid winter months, they undergo internal adjustments and changes invisible to our eyes. Like babies gestating in the lightless, watery wombs of their mothers, they are fully engaged in the process of preparing to be born. So many of the greatest mysteries of life begin this way, with a powerful urge for growth enclosed in a small, dark space.

We humans have a tendency to yearn for the light, for the coming of spring, and for the more visible phase of growth that all things express in coming to be. In our love for what we can see with our eyes we sometimes lose patience for, and interest in, the world of darkness that nurtures and protects the seeds, bulbs, and babies of the world for such an important part of their life cycles. It is a perilous and mysterious phase of growth, and one that we have little control over, and perhaps that is why we don’t celebrate it with quite the same passion as we do the lighter and brighter phases of life. Nevertheless, we ourselves endure similar periods of developing in the darkness throughout our lives.

Meditating on the image of a bulb, a seed, or an embryo, can bring us into alignment with the side of our own natures that is like the earth in winter—seemingly asleep but busily attending to details of growth that create the pattern for the children, flowers, and creative expressions to come. Touching down on this place in ourselves, we may feel at once peaceful and activated, utterly still and yet fully creative, quietly in tune with the dark and mysterious beginnings of life.

No Grumbling nor Crumbling 14 February 2008

While I remember today that my match is on his way, it’s really, really difficult not to think, too, about the one who always held my heart. But, he’s got his own Valentine in the city so I’ll be impeccable in my integrity over here. I’ll feel the glow I know so well from my memories & hold it as a strong, shiny example of what can be again. Knowing now, more than ever, I shall settle for nothing less.

In that spirit, I give you my own article on the subject:

A Woman Cannot Live on Crumbs Alone

“I like you but you’re not my dream man,” I said, smiling at the beautiful hot prospect next to me in a jumping little joint last Saturday night. I liked flirting with him and having his undivided, broad-chested attention. Talented, successful, (did I mention beautiful?), studly-smelling and well-mannered, this guy was a catch and a half. Just not mine and I knew it. Sure, we could have fun for an evening; maybe make it a few months but then what? Why not save us both some time and pass him along to someone who might just be his Mrs. Right?

I look at it like this: Bar-Man was a crumb, an incredibly tasty, tempting crumb. But, at this point in my life, I’m looking for a full-baked cake. My cake, to be exact. No, my clock’s not ticking so I’m in no rush for that reason. I just know I can’t have my hands free to catch a cake when clutching a crumb, even a really, really good one.

That said, who knows when my cake shall come, and a girl’s got short-term needs too. So, I don’t always walk away like I did last week. To deal with the crumbs until the cake arrives, here’s my recipe for success:

Dream Cake:

· Design your dream cake then cook up a clear vision of it in your mind. You want ten tiers of coconut cream, frosted in fuscia and powered with pink petunia petals? Then hold that picture in your mind, honey, and imagine how yummy it tastes.

· There’s a cake out there just for you. Just because someone else has found hers, doesn’t mean there’s a shortage of cakes or good cakes are hard to find. That jaded juju’s so not hot.

· If you’re feeling crumby, that’s ok too. Be honest with yourself, and any would-be-cake cravers, that you’re not all baked. Then get to work on being the best cake you can be. He’s looking for his dream cake too!

· As you make your way through life, keep your eye on your cake prize. What’s it taste like and feel like as it melts in your mouth? Repeat as necessary to keep clear about what you want. What you really, really want.

Crumb Rules of Thumb:

· Because a girl gets hungry along the way, it’s ok to sample the crumbs. Hell, enjoy the crumb for what it is: A tasty little morsel to tide you over until the cake comes. Then booty it up, baby! Lucky for us, there’s always plenty of takers for a girl’s goodies.

· One woman’s crumb is another one’s cake. If you know he’s not right for you, pass him along. Pay it forward and your friends shall too? Let us eat cake!

· Crumbs aren’t inherently bad. In fact, some are too tempting to pass up. Go ahead, sample away. Don’t hint, urge, wish, and “help” a crumb bake into a cake. It’s never worked and it won’t work now. Call a crumb a crumb and be honest with yourself if you want more. It’s just the way the crumb well, crumbles.

· Never, ever borrow someone else’s cake for your crumb. It’s bad manners and always ends with frosting all over your face.

· Be careful of crumbs in cake clothing. Some crumbs really do want to be cakes, maybe even your cake–but if they can’t, they can’t. There’s plenty of cakes in the sea!

· Unlike me, you need not announce that someone’s not your dream cake and in fact, I’d recommend not. It’s kinder to their ego and you’ll remain more of a mystery if you don’t reveal your ways.

Celebrate Good Cake, Come On!:

· Since you mastered the art of catching and releasing crumbs, you’ve finally taken the cake! Congrats, my dear, on landing the one that didn’t get away. (This does not insure that said cake will never act crumby, just so you know. But that’s a separate article to be authored by someone with cake.)

· Go on, celebrate your cake when it comes. You deserve it after all that dating! But don’t get too smug about your success. After all, your friends may still be sifting crumbs.

So until my cake comes along, that’s my plan. Sure, I’ve thought about that manly chest back at the bar once or twice but I know he’ll give another girl her happily ever-after. Me, I’m gonna hold out for my close encounter of the cake kind.

 

Hope you had a fab, love-filled day come your way!

Your sexpert, the Urban Pixie

Valentine Time 14 February 2008

I invite you to watch a movie montage from my pals at PostSecret in honor of the occasion that is St. Valentine’s Day:

I don’t know about you, but a few of them hit close to my home. Hallmark Holiday of not, here’s to love looming large every day in every way!