Stepless in Seattle? 28 May 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jennifer @ 9:44 pm
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Pixiesis called from Seattle last night and reported feeling a little frustrated. Big dreams in the works, she’s seen little progress of late on any of them. She’s tried to take the accompanying emotions – impatience, anger, annoyance – in stride with some good old fashioned non-attachment. But, as any Buddhist can tell you, sometimes it works and sometimes it don’t.

On another front, Pixiesis got a summer gig sitting for kids from my nephew’s school. The mortgage meltdown has slowed the economy at her house so she’s happy to have some extra money rolling in. Remarking how easy it was, how this job “just showed up” sans effort, she wished the same would happen with her other stuff too. “Why can’t things go that way with my workshops, reflexology and writing?” she asked.

I replied that the sitting stint only seemed to come easily. In truth, this offer was a reward for the small steps she’d been taking in her role as Mother all along. I pointed out that the other parent didn’t just hand over her kids because she happened to see Pixiesis standing on the playground. No, Pixiesis has been there – day in and day out – at Owen’s school and at home, warm, supportive and loving. Without trying, she showed the world that she’s a great Mom and could be trusted to take care of other kids. “So busting my ass the last six years hasn’t been a complete waste,” she said, smiling across the miles. Amen, sistah, amen!

 

A Superhighway to Bliss 28 May 2008

Thanks to moviebuddy for the below NYTimes piece. Hitting the mainstream media, Jill Bolte Taylor’s unusual enlightenment is sweeping the nation:

Jill Bolte Taylor was a neuroscientist working at Harvard’s brain research center when she experienced nirvana.

Dr. Taylor says the right, creative lobe can be used to foster contentment.

But she did it by having a stroke.

On Dec. 10, 1996, Dr. Taylor, then 37, woke up in her apartment near Boston with a piercing pain behind her eye. A blood vessel in her brain had popped. Within minutes, her left lobe — the source of ego, analysis, judgment and context — began to fail her. Oddly, it felt great.

The incessant chatter that normally filled her mind disappeared. Her everyday worries — about a brother with schizophrenia and her high-powered job — untethered themselves from her and slid away.

Her perceptions changed, too. She could see that the atoms and molecules making up her body blended with the space around her; the whole world and the creatures in it were all part of the same magnificent field of shimmering energy.

“My perception of physical boundaries was no longer limited to where my skin met air,” she has written in her memoir, “My Stroke of Insight,” which was just published by Viking.

After experiencing intense pain, she said, her body disconnected from her mind. “I felt like a genie liberated from its bottle,” she wrote in her book. “The energy of my spirit seemed to flow like a great whale gliding through a sea of silent euphoria.”

While her spirit soared, her body struggled to live. She had a clot the size of a golf ball in her head, and without the use of her left hemisphere she lost basic analytical functions like her ability to speak, to understand numbers or letters, and even, at first, to recognize her mother. A friend took her to the hospital. Surgery and eight years of recovery followed.

Her desire to teach others about nirvana, Dr. Taylor said, strongly motivated her to squeeze her spirit back into her body and to get well.

This story is not typical of stroke victims. Left-brain injuries don’t necessarily lead to blissful enlightenment; people sometimes sink into a helplessly moody state: their emotions run riot. Dr. Taylor was also helped because her left hemisphere was not destroyed, and that probably explains how she was able to recover fully.

Today, she says, she is a new person, one who “can step into the consciousness of my right hemisphere” on command and be “one with all that is.”

To her it is not faith, but science. She brings a deep personal understanding to something she long studied: that the two lobes of the brain have very different personalities. Generally, the left brain gives us context, ego, time, logic. The right brain gives us creativity and empathy. For most English-speakers, the left brain, which processes language, is dominant. Dr. Taylor’s insight is that it doesn’t have to be so.

Her message, that people can choose to live a more peaceful, spiritual life by sidestepping their left brain, has resonated widely.

In February, Dr. Taylor spoke at the Technology, Entertainment, Design conference (known as TED), the annual forum for presenting innovative scientific ideas. The result was electric. After her 18-minute address was posted as a video on TED’s Web site, she become a mini-celebrity. More than two million viewers have watched her talk, and about 20,000 more a day continue to do so. An interview with her was also posted on Oprah Winfrey’s Web site, and she was chosen as one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential people in the world for 2008.

She also receives more than 100 e-mail messages a day from fans. Some are brain scientists, who are fascinated that one of their own has had a stroke and can now come back and translate the experience in terms they can use. Some are stroke victims or their caregivers who want to share their stories and thank her for her openness.

But many reaching out are spiritual seekers, particularly Buddhists and meditation practitioners, who say her experience confirms their belief that there is an attainable state of joy.

“People are so taken with it,” said Sharon Salzberg, a founder of the Insight Mediation Society in Barre, Mass. “I keep getting that video in e-mail. I must have 100 copies.”

She is excited by Dr. Taylor’s speech because it uses the language of science to describe an occurrence that is normally ethereal. Dr. Taylor shows the less mystically inclined, she said, that this experience of deep contentment “is part of the capacity of the human mind.”

Since the stroke, Dr. Taylor has moved to Bloomington, Ind., an hour from where she was raised in Terre Haute and where her mother, Gladys Gillman Taylor, who nursed her back to health, still lives.

Originally, Dr. Taylor became a brain scientist — she has a Ph.D. in life sciences with a specialty in neuroanatomy — because she has a mentally ill brother who suffers from delusions that he is in direct contact with Jesus. And for her old research lab at Harvard, she continues to speak on behalf of the mentally ill.

But otherwise, she has dialed back her once loaded work schedule. Her house is on a leafy cul-de-sac minutes from Indiana University, which she attended as an undergraduate and where she now teaches at the medical school.

Her foyer is painted a vibrant purple. She greets a stranger at the door with a warm hug. When she talks, her pale blue eyes make extended contact.

Never married, she lives with her dog and two cats. She unselfconsciously calls her mother, 82, her best friend.

She seems bemused but not at all put off by the hundreds who have reached out to her on a spiritual level. Religious ecstatics who claim to see angels have asked her to appear on their radio and television programs.

She has declined these offers. Although her father is an Episcopal minister and she was raised in his church, she cannot be counted among the traditionally faithful. “Religion is a story that the left brain tells the right brain,” she said.

Still, Dr. Taylor says, “nirvana exists right now.”

“There is no doubt that it is a beautiful state and that we can get there,” she said.

That belief has certainly sparked debate. On Web sites like evolvingbeings.com and in Eckhart Tolle discussion groups, people debate whether she is truly enlightened or just physically damaged and confused.

Even her own scientific brethren have wondered.

“When I saw her on the TED video, at first I thought, Oh my god, is she losing it,” said Dr. Francine M. Benes, director of the Harvard Brain Tissue Resource Center, where Dr. Taylor once worked.

Dr. Benes makes clear that she still thinks Dr. Taylor is an extraordinary and competent woman. “It is just that the mystical side was not apparent when she was at Harvard,” Dr. Benes said.

Dr. Taylor makes no excuses or apologies, or even explanations. She says instead that she continues to battle her left brain for the better. She gently offers tips on how it might be done.

“As the child of divorced parents and a mentally ill brother, I was angry,” she said. Now when she feels anger rising, she trumps it with a thought of a person or activity that brings her pleasure. No meditation necessary, she says, just the belief that the left brain can be tamed.

Her newfound connection to other living beings means that she is no longer interested in performing experiments on live rat brains, which she did as a researcher.

She is committed to making time for passions — physical and visual — that she believes exercise her right brain, including water-skiing, guitar playing and stained-glass making. A picture of one of her intricate stained-glass pieces — of a brain — graces the cover of her book.

Karen Armstrong, a religious historian who has written several popular books including one on the Buddha, says there are odd parallels between his story and Dr. Taylor’s.

“Like this lady, he was reluctant to return to this world,” she said. “He wanted to luxuriate in the sense of enlightenment.”

But, she said, “the dynamic of the religious required that he go out into the world and share his sense of compassion.”

And in the end, compassion is why Dr. Taylor says she wrote her memoir. She thinks there is much to be mined from her experience on how brain-trauma patients might best recover and, in fact, she hopes to open a center in Indiana to treat such patients based on those principles.

And then there is the question of world peace. No, Dr. Taylor doesn’t know how to attain that, but she does think the right hemisphere could help. Or as she told the TED conference:

“I believe that the more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner peace circuitry of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will project into the world, and the more peaceful our planet will be.”

It almost seems like science.

Here’s Taylor’s video, “My Stroke of Insight,” from a previous Pixie-post. What do you think?

 

Super Sutra! 22 May 2008

Thanks to my beloved Boob Lady, I’ve got a new Sutra in town, Sat Chit Ananda. Here’s the deets on it for ‘ya:
My inner dialogue reflects the power of my soul.
Sat: Truth of infinity. Freedom from limitation.
Chit: Pure consciousness. Total knowledge. Spontaneous knowing.
Ananda: Complete fulfillment. Bliss.
Imagine that you are centered and totally at peace.
Imagine that all beings are your equal.
Imagine that you are not affected by flattery or criticism.
Imagine that you are focused on the journey, not the destination.
Imagine that you are detached from the outcome.
Imagine that a deeply profound ocean of calm exists in you that is not affected by any turbulence.
Imagine that love radiates from you like light from a bonfire.
Imagine that the right answer comes to you whenever you are confronted by any question spontaneously.
Imagine that you know exactly what to do in every situation.
You are:
1) Beneath no one
2) Immune to criticism
3) Fearless
May you find it super too!
 

My Life 20 May 2008

Rather than tell you about the “Creative Dynamic” workshop this weekend, my words will speak for themselves. Here’s what I wrote at the end of it all:

My man wakes me in the morning, spooning me from behind. He makes love to me, holding my face in his hands. We laugh at his wish: to stay in bed, doing nothing but pillow-talk. And so we do. I get up later, write my column while he works on his own art. Together we share an office and create a home. After a while, we wander through Ft. Tryon Park, making-out often and enjoying our Mr. Softees. We head back to bed.

Awake again, he starts dinner while I meditate and do my “self-help Sunday” stuff. We eat Indian food and I clean-up as he reads on the couch. Stevie Wonder serenades softly in the background. Sensing I’m excited about my workshop tomorrow, he rubs my feet. He’s so proud of me and I know it. Getting ready for bed, I skip the sweats and slip into something a little more sexy. We’re in this together after all.

We sip strong coffee in the morning and chat about our dreams. Grabbing my hot new handbag, I kiss him on the forehead. He says, “Knock ‘em alive,” as I stroll out the door. From over my own rainbow, I sing, “dreams really do come true” and get my ass on the A.

May your own desires become as crystal clear!

 

The Creative Dynamic 15 May 2008

Filed under: inspiration, life, new york, pixie, woo-woo — Jennifer @ 10:51 pm
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I’m so excited, I just can’t hide it. I’m doing TAI’s workshop this weekend called The Creative Dynamic: Tapping Into Your Unique Creative Energy . Here’s the official description:

The Creative Dynamic renews passion, energy, and commitment for what you want to create in the world. Through the use of performance, coaching, feedback, and play, participants learn to develop the fundamental creative principles inherent in each of us. These principles include: awareness of impact; discovering the opportunity for personal creativity in any situation; creating through relationship; and experiencing goals and desires as a consequence of creativity. The Creative Dynamic yields immediate impact. You experience a greater “license” to create and see a new way of looking at yourself, your career, and how you relate to others.

I’m practicing my Pixie-poem now which I’ll present, from memory, to the group. Finding my authentic voice for the first time with an old fave, I keep crying at the most poignant parts. I’ll do my best to show up in a similar space tomorrow at TAI. But I know, however it comes out, it’ll be perfect.

May art fill your heart and life lead you where you can share it!

 

Great Graffiti 15 May 2008

I’ve been putting Catherine Ponder’s “Prospering Power of Love” to work of late. As I just saw in my own subway station, I’m not the only one:

It’s making me one perky & playful Pixie. Care to give it a go?

 

Ponder This! 13 May 2008

As the mainstream media sows seeds of financial fear, I wanted to give you an alternate approach. Below are selected affirmations from “The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity” by Catherine Ponder, an expert in the field of abundance:

  • “I give thanks that I am now rich, well and happy and that my financial affairs are in divine order. Every day in every way I am growing richer and richer.”
  • “I am an irresistible magnet, with the power to attract unto myself everything that I divinely desire, according to the thoughts, feelings and mental pictures I constantly entertain and radiate. I am the center of my Universe! I have the power to create whatever I wish. I attract whatever I radiate. I attract whatever I mentally choose and accept, I begin choosing and mentally accepting the highest and best in life. I now choose and accept health, success and happiness. I now choose lavish abundance for myself and for all humankind. This is a rich, friendly Universe and I dare to accept its riches, its hospitality, and to enjoy them now.”
  • “Divine intelligence is in charge of my life. I am now open, receptive, and obedient to its rich instruction and guidance.”
  • “Nothing but good can come into my life, for God is in charge.”
  • “I give thanks for the immediate, complete, divine fulfillment of these desires. This or something better comes forth with perfect timing, according to God’s rich good for me.”
  • “Divine intelligence now works in me and my life and affairs, to will and to do whatever for my highest good, and divine intelligence cannot fail!”
  • “I am now shown new ways of living and new methods of work. I am not confined to the ways and methods of the past. I experience my perfect work in the perfect way, which now renders me perfect satisfaction and perfect pay.”
  • “There is nothing for me to fear. God’s Spirit of good is at work and divine results are coming forth.”
  • “Divine intuition is now showing me the way. Divine intuition is now working in and through me, in and through all concerned, producing easily and quickly the perfect outcome, the perfect result.”

And my personal fave:

  • “You walk in the charmed circle of God’s love, and you are divinely irresistible to your highest good now.”

May you find one that works for you and put it into practice. Fear not and go forward in faith, letting love lead the way. It knows the how, what, where, when and why way better than you do. And by letting go, life’s more amazing than you could ever imagine. Take it from me, the girl who once said, “I hate New York. Why would I ever want to go there?” I’ve never been happier nor more home in my life!

 

Jill Bolte Taylor: My Stroke of Insight 11 May 2008

I’m a slightly traumatized Pixie. Earlier this afternoon, my A train hit and killed a woman who jumped into its path. I really didn’t see “anything” but the platform people sure looked freaked out. They tried to motion to us (the ones stuck inside the car) what they had witnessed and they just kept looking under the car. Eventually, we were released and told the track was closed.

I took an alternate route home and checked the news to confirm the worst. Lucky for me, this video also arrived. Somehow, it put it all into perspective:

Which will I choose tonight? “Deep inner-peace circuitry” all the way!


p.s. Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Inviting Intimacy 10 May 2008

Filed under: god, inspiration, life, pixie, spirituality — Jennifer @ 10:58 am
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I woke up this morning after a stressful dream. Jaw clinched and sinuses stuffy, I came to consciousness aware that I’d been screaming at Pixiema & Pixiesis, “I’m allowed to get upset, just like everybody else.” We rushed around inside a swanky restaurant, crafting a celebration dinner with the catering crew. Awarded a writing fellowship (yippee!), I’d forgotten all the details, the guests were due to arrive and my cell phone was out of juice. I hate it when that happens.

And then I was awake. BlackBerry at my side, I looked to see what I might have missed overnight and to get my early a.m. inspirations, courtesy of DailyOm and Tut.com. Here’s what my horoscope had to say:

Pisces: Inviting Intimacy

You may feel cautious and guarded today as you interact with others. An intense need to connect more meaningfully with either your loved ones or acquaintances could cause you to question how others will react to your overtures of love and friendship. You may feel insecure or afraid your sentiments will be rejected. This could cause you to be somewhat guarded as you interact with others. If what you truly desire is greater intimacy when connecting with others, however, you should allow others to see your vulnerable side. Allow yourself to let people see you as you really are. You may want to bare your soul a little bit throughout today until you feel comfortable enough to show yourself fully. Your confidence will grow, and your relationships will deepen.

Expressing vulnerability is one of the few ways we can break down the barriers that divide us from others so we can attain true intimacy. When you are willing to show others who you are, you demonstrate that you trust and honor your companions enough to be authentic with them. They, in turn, will see your vulnerability as a gift of faith that compels them to be as free with you as you have been with them. Taking such a leap shows others that you are strong and secure enough to admit that you are only human and that you need them. In taking down the walls that guard your soul and letting others peer in, you invite intimacy in. When you let your vulnerability show today, you will let others see the real you.

So here is my current truth: I feel like it’s easy to be Zen when it’s just me, my meditative moments and spending time in the safe cocoon of close friends. In the last two weeks, however, I’ve met a couple of men that I found myself attracted to and interested in exploring. It’d been a while since a new one sparked my fancy! In my initial interactions, I’d comfortably, confidently put my Pixie-self out there and had contact of the best bantering kind with both of them.

What happens after that, though, is far from pretty. In the next encounter, live or on-line, I begin to feel that old insecurity creeping in. I wonder “what I did” or “will I do wrong” or if just being me will be “too much for him.” Thanks to Eric and Terry, who worked through this with me last night. We brought out the Byron Katie and did much in the way of “turning it around.” Maybe I’m afraid I’m too much for me? Maybe I’m afraid he’s too much for me? And what would I be if none of that were true? A peaceful, confident, comfortable, open and enthusiastic Urban Pixie. The girl who I like and who was, in the moment of meeting said men, exactly the same girl. Silly circle but oh so enlightening, eh?

So that’s my Saturday experience so far. The real me, in all her incredible awakening experience, still gets upset sometimes and still feels insecure around the cute boy. I’m sure glad I’ve got friends who want to hear those parts, too. They encourage my honesty about it and I’d be nowhere if I weren’t authentic. I’m grateful God knows who I need when the walls come crumbling down. Come on in, intimacy, I am ready. And somewhere out there, is a man who’s thinking the same thing.

 

Randy Pausch Lecture: Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams 6 May 2008

While I’m way too hopeful to accept the idea of “dealt cards,” especially when it comes to “terminal” cancer diagnoses, I do believe that Randy Pausch of Carnegie Mellon gave a great “Last Lecture.” It’s a long one, but worth every minute:

And, as you can see, Randy’s still at it! Here’s to childhood dreams, breaking through brick walls (cancer being one of the biggest!) & life lived well along the way!