Good Grieving

While trying to write a perkier post, I got interrupted by my good friend grief again this evening. There are times when I seek solace on the city streets or hide behind the screen for shelter. But I know it’s best to let it catch up with me, to settle down in sweet surrender. I call this compassion.

Life brings many smaller sorrows as it did today. When I address the emotional issue at hand, I move through it yet my final devastated destination is predetermined. All roads lead back to the same sadness, that lingering longing for one so loved. I’ve forgotten how to fantasize that it could have ended differently. I don’t dwell on wondering where he is now anymore. I simply hit the “pause” button, picture his face & feel the calm of reconnection.

Despite the time & distance since separating, my soul knows he needs this too. My mindful meditation is an invitation for him to arrive again in my air. I see his eyes lighting up before me. I smile, I laugh, I hear him saying my name the way that made my world glow when we played on the same plane. Crying harder than I knew possible, all is perfect in the pain. That’s why we came here after all.

Eventually, I tell him good-bye, say, “I hope you are well,” then ask God to take care of him for me. & wherever he is, I know he feels it too. Nothing else really matters anymore.

All relationships come with a soundtrack. Here’s the one that works for me now:

I’m not trying to forget you anymore.
I got back into remembering all the love we shared before,
And I’d been trying to forget someone who my heart still adores.
So I’m not trying to forget you anymore.

You were someone who brought happiness into my life
and it did not last forever but that’s all right,
we were always more than lovers and I’m still your friend.
And if I had the chance I’d do it all again.

So I’m not trying to forget you anymore,
I got back into remembering all the love we had before.
And the best days of my life are still when you walk through that door,
so I’m not trying to forget you anymore.

Thanks, Willie, for another winning number & let love be the gift we keep on giving.