Stepless in Seattle? 28 May 2008

Pixiesis called from Seattle last night and reported feeling a little frustrated. Big dreams in the works, she’s seen little progress of late on any of them. She’s tried to take the accompanying emotions – impatience, anger, annoyance – in stride with some good old fashioned non-attachment. But, as any Buddhist can tell you, sometimes it works and sometimes it don’t.

On another front, Pixiesis got a summer gig sitting for kids from my nephew’s school. The mortgage meltdown has slowed the economy at her house so she’s happy to have some extra money rolling in. Remarking how easy it was, how this job “just showed up” sans effort, she wished the same would happen with her other stuff too. “Why can’t things go that way with my workshops, reflexology and writing?” she asked.

I replied that the sitting stint only seemed to come easily. In truth, this offer was a reward for the small steps she’d been taking in her role as Mother all along. I pointed out that the other parent didn’t just hand over her kids because she happened to see Pixiesis standing on the playground. No, Pixiesis has been there – day in and day out – at Owen’s school and at home, warm, supportive and loving. Without trying, she showed the world that she’s a great Mom and could be trusted to take care of other kids. “So busting my ass the last six years hasn’t been a complete waste,” she said, smiling across the miles. Amen, sistah, amen!

Walking in a Winter Learningland 12 January 2008

A friend’s son struggles with socializing at school, especially on the playground. To address this & other challenges inherit in raising an extremely intelligent, “indigo” kid, she’s taking him to occupational therapy. The therapist asked M. to start an exercise aimed at reducing his playground problems in the last session. He refused, saying, “I don’t think we need to work on that anymore.” He told her that he no longer needed to worry about other kids not picking him to play. Surprised by the rapid resolution, the therapist asked M. what had changed in the last two weeks. “It snowed,” he answered. Without skipping a beat she responded, “Snow melts, M., so let’s get back to work.”

How often have we, like M., been overly eager to attach to the insta-fix? Sure, we can mire in misfortune & complain ad nauseum when “nothing’s going our way.” But, at the slightest sign of progress, we leap whole-hog into our new & improved reality. The important lesson in all of this is that life, like snow, comes & goes our way. Things will seem all white, fluffy & fun for a while but eventually, it all melts. & when it does, we may end up knee-deep in slush.

It is here that I turn back to the Buddhists. While I don’t find all my answers in their teachings, they’ve got this formula figured out: If we can be equally happy in snow or slush, we can learn to live at peace. Non-attachment to any outcome – good, bad, ugly, incredible, etc. – is the only way to ensure life’s blizzards don’t blow us over out there.

Here are two of my faves on the topic:

• Pema Chodron’s Comfortable With Uncertainty

• Jack Kornfield’s A Path with Heart

I don’t know about you, but I say, “Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…”